[Mrs. Strakosh:]
Fanny, when people pay good money in the the-ay-ter--
especially the male element--they want something to look at!

If a girl isn´t pretty
Like a Miss Atlantic City,
All she gets in life
Is pity and a pat.

[Mrs. Brice:]
Is a nose with deviation
Such a crime against the nation?
Should I throw her into jail
Or drown the cat?

[Mrs. Strakosh, O´ Malley and Meeker:]
She must shine in ev´ry detail
Like a ring you´re buying retail,
Be a standard size that
Fits a standard dress.

[Mrs. Strakosh:]
When a girl´s incidentals
Are no bigger than two lentils

[Mrs. Strakosh, O´ Malley and Meeker:]
Then to me that doesn´t spell success.


Fanny auditions for Keeney´s Music Hall but Keeney kicks
her out of the chorus because she doesn´t look like the
others. Eddie Ryan, dance director for Keeney, agrees:

[Eddie:]
If a girl isn´t pretty
Like a Miss Atlantic City,
She should dump the stage
And try another route.
Any guy who pays a quarter
For a seat just feels he oughter
See a figger that his wife can´t
Substitute.

Kid, my heart ain´t made of marble
But your rhythm´s really horr´ble
And that map of yours just ain´t no
Valentine.
Everything you got´s about right,
But the damn thing don´t come out right
So forget it, kid,
And just resign.

[Chorus:]
If a girl isn´t pretty,
If a girl isn´t pretty,
If a girl isn´t pretty,
If a girl isn´t pretty,
If a girl isn´t pretty,
She should get a job,
Go get a job--
Get any job
Get a weekly pay,
´Cause if a girl isn´t pretty
Like a Miss Atlantic City,
She´s a real Miss Nobody, U.S.A.