My last girlfriend didn´t like me thought she might be
Most likely a dyke she just didn´t excite me,
Lefty? ya, but that was alright,
She was hotter than the sun, but she just wasn´t that bright
My mistake she was more flakey than a leper colony
I think a wooden clothespin would have been much better company
Ass like donkey acting funky gave her "L" now she´s a flunky
So my love for her died quicker than a batch of sea monkeys
Early bird gets the worm spread your legs or spread the word
So what if I´m not he smartest peanut in the turd
I´m white which goes with everything but I can come in any colour
And I´m looking for the kind of girl that reminds me of my mother
But it´s hard to find a girl with a viper tattooed on her tushy
And how many girls do you know that can play the harmonica with their pussies?
Like em easy and hot and sweet like a Rice Krispy Treat, gee
You know what I really want in a girl? Me.

I need to find a New Vagina
Any kinda New vagina
It´s hard to rhyme a word like vagina
Calvin Klein? kinda, North Carolina

Women are like dog doo hear me through don´t interrupt
It´d just the older that they are the easier they get to pick-up
I´d fill the generation gap, clear the cobwebs from her rafters
Old hens would rather put out than be put out to the pasture
No age just ain´t a gauge I like my girls like my cheese
Preferrably for me fat-free American singles only
I want my next chic anorexic the winner is the thinner
Won´t have to take her skinny ass out to a fancy dinner
Like Sizzler she go ta beef we´ll chew the fat
If I forget to put the seat up I can put up with her crap
Let her lash out and crack the whip but not in bed I don´t play rough
No I can´t be tied down with a girl that wants me tied up
Just independant like NOFX smart like Janeane Garafalo
She´d use big words to make fun of me so that I would never know
Bestow upon me of her wisdom of the Dewey Decimal System gee
You know what I really want in a girl? Me.

I need to find a New Vagina
Any kinda New vagina
It´s hard to rhyme a word like vagina
Kevin Klein? kinda, South Carolina

Vagina...