I was sittin´ on a stump
Down in New Orleans
I was feelin´ kinda low down
Dirty and mean
Along came a fella
And he didn´t even ask
He says, “I know of a woman
That can fix you up fast”
I didn´t think twice
I said like I should
“Let´s go find this lady
That can do me some good”
We walked across the river
On a sailin´ spree
And we came to a door
Called one-oh-three

I was just about ready
To give it a little knock
When out comes a fella
Who couldn´t even walk
He´s linkin´ and a-slinkin´
Couldn´t stand on his feet
And he moaned and he groaned
And he shuffled down the street
Well, out of the door
There comes another man
He wiggled and he wobbled
He couldn´t hardly stand
He had this frightened
Look in his eyes
Like he just fought a bear
He was ready to die

Well, I peeked through the key crack
Comin´ down the hall
Was a long-legged man
Who couldn´t hardly crawl
He muttered and he uttered
In broken French
And he looked like he´d been through
A monkey wrench

Well, by this time
I was a-scared to knock
I was a-scared to move
I´s in a state of shock
I hummed a little tune
And I shuffled my feet
And I started walkin´ backwards
Down that broad street
Well, I got to the corner
I tried my best to smile
I turned around the corner
And I ran a bloody mile
Man, I wasn´t runnin´
´Cause I was sick
I was just a-runnin´
To get out of there quick

Well, I tripped right along
And I´m a-wheezin´ in my chest
I musta run a mile
In a minute or less
I walked on a log
And I tripped on a stump
I caught a fast freight
With a one-arm jump
So, if you´re travelin´ down
Louisiana way
And you feel kinda lonesome
And you need a place to stay
Man, you´re better off
In your misery
Than to tackle that lady
At one-oh-three