And now the Grand Ole Opry theater proudly presents a special holiday edition of the Adventures of the Kung Pao Buckaroos

Well, it´s a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday
Whatever you do watch what you say
If you´re easily offended well that´s okay
It´s a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday

We catch up with our three cowboys one cold December night huddled around a camp fire.

How ´bout we sing some holiday songs?
Yeah, hey George, you wanna lead us off?
Yeah, I got one.

Oh Chri-biip-mas tree oh Chri-biip-mas tree how lovely are thy branches...

Why am I getting bleeped again?
Haven´t you heard guys? You can´t say Chri-biip-mas you gotta say Holiday
I can´t say Chri-biip-mas?
No, you might offend somebody.
Who is offended by Chri-biip-mas?
You know you might offend the biiiips and the biiiips and the atheists.
What?
Time to politically correct.

I´ll lead this off.

On the first day of Chri-biip-mas my true love said to me…

Jimmy, are you listening?
What?
You can´t say Chri-biip-mas.
Why not?
If you can say he-biiiip on the last record,
Why can´t I say Chri-biip-mas?
I didn´t make the rules.
Hey listen guys, it´s not that difficult, all you gotta do is change Chri-biip-mas to Holiday.
You know, instead of saying white Chri-biip-mas, you say I´m dreaming of a whi-biiip Holiday.
Why did I get bleeped?
You´ve got to say Caucasian.
So I have to sing, I´m dreaming of a Caucasian holiday?
Sure, that won´t offend anyone.

Well, it´s a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday,
Whatever you do watch what you say
If you´re easily offended well that´s okay

Why do these people have to feel that way? How come they get offended so easily?

It´s a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday

I´m just trying to come up with a song here.
Let´s sing one together, everybody ready? George?
Ready.
Bill you ready?
I´m ready.
Jimmy? Jimmy? Jimmy?
Okay!

We three kings of or-biiiiiiiiip are bearing gifts we´ve traveled real far….

Sorry boys, you have to say Asia now.
What?
Oh, come on just try.
I´ve got to get hyped up for this.

We three kings of Asia are….

That sounds like horse cr-biiiip
Oh lord, okay. How ´bout Little Drummer boy?
Nope, that offends short people.
And you can´t say drummer ´cause that´ll offend real musicians.

How ´bout little –hahaha- town of Bethlehem.
What´s with all the short jokes?

Hey how ´bout we do Silent Night?
No, it offends people hard of hearin´ and afraid of the dark.
What did he say about a shark?
SHARK?

This happens every year.

Well, it´s a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday,
Whatever you do watch what you say,
If you´re easily offended well that´s okay,
It´s a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday.

Ho! ho! ho!
No.
I can´t say ho?
No, you might offend some... women.
So basically, we can´t sing anything?

I think thats a bunch of bull biiiip.
Softer, George, it´s more effective.
I think thats a bunch of bull biiiip.
Wait just a dar-biip minute...
No, no, no..
You know what? I don´t care who we offend, I´m gonna sing Chri-biip-mas carols if I wanna sing Chri-biip-mas carols.
Louder, Bill, it´s more effective.
I don´t care who we offend, I´m gonna sing Chri-biip-mas carols if I wanna sing Chri-biip-mas carols.
Me too.

We wish you a merry Chri-biip-mas, we wish you a merry Chri-biip-mas, we wish you a merry Chri-biip-mas, and a happy ne-biip year.

We can´t say new; it´ll offend the old folks.
And you better not offend them.

Us…