I work down at the pizza pit
And I drive an old Hyundai
I still live with my mom and dad
I´m 5´3 and overweight

I´m a Sci-Fi fanatic
Mild asthmatic
Never been to 2nd base
But there´s a whole nother me
That you need to see
Go check out MySpace

´cause online I´m out in Hollywood
I´m 6´5 and I look damn good
I drive a Maserati
I´m a black belt in Karate
And I love a good glass of wine

It turns girls on that I´m mysterious
I tell ´em I don´t want nothing serious
´cause even on a slow day I can have a three way
Chat with two women at one time

I´m so much cooler online
So much cooler online

I get home, I kiss my mom
And she fixes me a snack
I head down to my basement bedroom
And fire up my Mac

In real life the only time I
Ever even been to L.A.
Was when I got the chance with the marching band
To play tuba in the Rose Parade.

Online I live in Malibu
I posed for Calvin Kline, I´ve been in GQ
I´m single and I´m rich
And I got a set of six pack abs that´ll blow your mind

It turns girls on that I´m mysterious
I tell ´em I don´t want nothing serious
´cause even on a slow day I can have a three way
Chat with two women at one time

I´m so much cooler online
Yeah I´m cooler online

When you got my kinda stats, it´s hard to get a date
Let alone a real girlfriend
But I grow another foot
And I lose a bunch of weight everytime I log in

Online I´m out in Hollywood
I´m 6´5 and I look damn good
Even on a slow day, I can have a three way
Chat with two women at one time

I´m so much cooler online
Yeah I´m cooler online
I´m so much cooler online
Yeah I´m cooler online