Dear Abby,

Got a problem. I´m a decent, underpaid, hardworking county coroner. It´s
important that my family eat meat at least three times a week. But we just can´t
afford to with the prices the way they are. So I bring home some choice cuts from my
autopsy subjects. Just mix in the Tuna Helper…and ta-da!

The whole family thinks my new meals are delicious. They ask me what´s
my secret. Abby, I think they´re getting suspicious. My smart-ass 8-year-old keeps
asking, "Where´s all the meat? The red dye #2 kind that´s kept in the fridge."

If they find out the truth I don´t think they´ll understand. Abby, what do I tell
my family?
DEAR REAGANOMICS VICTIM: Consult your clergyman. Make sure the body´s
blessed and everything should be just fine.