[Verse 1]
I was born with a dick in my brain, yeah fucked in the head
My step father said that I sucked in the bed
Til one night he snuck in and said
We´re going out back, I want my dick sucked in the shed
Can´t we just play with Teddy Ruxpin instead?
After I fuck you in the butt and get some head
Bust a nut, get some rest
The next day my mother said: "I don´t know what the fuck´s up with this kid!"
The bastard won´t even eat, nothing - he´s dead
He just hung himself in the bedroom - he´s dead
Debbie don´t let that fucker get you upset
Go in there stick a fucking cigarette to his neck
I bet you he´s faking it, I bet you
I bet he probably just wants to see how upset you would get
I´ll go handle this of course, unless you object
I´ll go fuck his brains out, if any´s left in his head

[Chorus]
If you could count the skeletons in my closet
Under my bed not under my faucet
Then you would know I´ve completely lost it
Is he nuts? No, he´s insane

If you count the skeletons in my closet
Under my bed not under my faucet
Then you would know I´ve completely lost it
Is he nuts? No, he´s insane

[Verse 2]
Dog, fuck I just tried to bite my face off
I just got fucking chased off with a chainsaw
Then he took the chainsaw, bite the fucking blades off
Ate the blades, cut the baseball with a slingshot
Then he aimed at his own face, let the thing pop
Took his eye out, picked it up and played ping pong
Then he played ping pong with his own ding-dong
That motherfucker´s got nuts like king kong
Then he set the lawnmawer out on the damn lawn
Then he laid on it with the thing on
Then he took his pants and took every fucking thing off
Everything ´cept his tank top and his training bra
Ain´t he broad? Yeah maniac, that´s shady-dog
Man that motherfucker´s gangsta ain´t he dog?
Shady-dog, what be going through that fucking brain of yours?
Say no more, what the fuck you waiting for? Sing along!

[Chorus]
If you could count the skeletons in my closet
Under my bed not under my faucet
Then you would know I´ve completely lost it
Is he nuts? No, he´s insane

If you count the skeletons in my closet
Under my bed not under my faucet
Then you would know I´ve completely lost it
Is he nuts? No, he´s insane

[Verse 3]
Don´t you know what feltch means? (Yeah!)
Well then tell me, would you rather get feltched or do the feltching?
Fuck him in the ass, suck the cum up while you´re beltching
Burp, beltch, then go back for a second helping
Can you dig what I´m saying man, can you smell me?
I want you to feel me like my step-father felt me
Fuck a little puppy, kick the puppy while he´s yelping
Shady what the fuck you say? I don´t know - help me!
What the fuck´s happening!? I think I´m fucking melting!
Marshall I just love you boy, I care about your well-being
No dad, I said no, I don´t need no help peeing
I´m a big boy, I can do it by myself see
I only get naked when the babysitter tells me
She showed me a movie like nightmare on elm street
But it was X and they called it Pubic Hair on Chelsea
Well this is called ass-raping - we´re shooting the jail scene

[Chorus]
If you could count the skeletons in my closet
Under my bed not under my faucet
Then you would know I´ve completely lost it
Is he nuts? No, he´s insane

If you count the skeletons in my closet
Under my bed not under my faucet
Then you would know I´ve completely lost it
Is he nuts? No, he´s insane...