Cell block tango
by Glee Spoof
lyricscopy.com
Sugar: Pop
Quinn: Six
Mercedes: Squish
Brittany: Uh huh
Santana: Cicero
Tina: Lipschitz!
(x6)
Artie (Spoken):
And now the six merry murderesses of the McKinley High Jail in their rendition of "The Cell Block Tango"
All:
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you´d have been there
If you´d have seen it
Santana:
I bet that you would have done the same!
Sugar: Pop
Quinn: Six
Mercedes: Squish
Brittany: Uh uh
Santana: Cicero
Tina: Lipschitz!
(x2)
Sugar (Spoken):
You know I´m kind of a celebrity known for my voice.
I´m like, amazing. They call me the Queen of songs.
No, not songs. POP. So, I tried out for the New Directions,
And I am super confident, and I know I´m gonna nail the audition.
And there´s Mr. Schue, wearin´ a vest, tearin´ me down
And grinning´. No, not grinnin´.Laughin´! So, I said to him,
I said, "You better let me in to this glee club..."
And he didn´t.So I did what I always do best,
And I simply let loose some of my... self diagnosed Asperger´s.
All:
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you´d have been there
If you´d have heard it
I betcha you would
Have done the same!
Quinn (Spoken):
I met Noah Puckerman at McKinley High about two years ago,
and he told me he was a nice guy.He gave me many wine coolers.
Next I know I´m pregnant. He´d be with me, I´d lie to Finn,
it was all a part of, my amazing scheme.And then I found out,
"Sexting" he told me? Sexting, my ass. Not only was he with me
... oh, no, he had six girls. Never trust a boy with a Mohawk.
So two years later, after our trip to New York,
I looked him straight in the eyes, with hate.
Found out he couldn´t handle big plans.
All:
He had it coming
He had it coming
He took a flower
In its prime
And then he used it
And he abused it
It was a murder
But not a crime!
Mercedes (Spoken):
Now, I´m standing in the kitchen,
Cookin´ up some tots for dinner,
Minding my own business,
In storms my boyfriend Shane,
In a jealous rage.
"You love those tots more,"
He says. He was crazy
And he kept on screamin´,
"those things don´t even taste good!"
My last words to him.
No one messes with my tater tots.
All:
If you´d have been there
If you´d have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!
Brittany:
Unicorn x a lot
Rachel (Spoken):
Brittany, that´s not the word you´re supposed to sa--
Brittany:
UH UH, uni-corn!
Santana (Spoken):
There´s a place I go called Breadsticks.
A new waiter, Charlie, started working there.
Now, for the last couple of years, I´d order 20 buckets of stix in a row
One, two, three, four, five... it´s on the menu, Lopez special.
Salt ´t then eat ´em, one right after the other.
So this one night as I walked past Breadsticks on the street called Cicero,
I was textin´, pushin´ around a few nerds, a typical night then I became hungry.
I made a turn, open the door, and there´s the new waiter Charlie
giving some random customer the Lopez Special.See, that special´s only for me,
Everyone knows this. I´ve told him several times. So I lost it,
I went Lima Heights Adjacent on the entire Breadsticks staff.
Santana:
They had it coming
Girls:
They had it coming
Santana:
They had it coming
Girls:
They had it coming
Santana:
They had it coming all along
Girls:
They had it coming all along
Santana:
I didn´t do it
Girls:
She didn´t do it
Santana:
But if I done it
Girls:
But if she´d done it
Santana:
How could you tell me that I was wrong?
Santana:
They had it coming
Girls:
They had it coming
Santana:
They had it coming
Girls:
They had it coming
Santana:
They had it coming all along
Girls:
They took a flower in its prime
Santana:
I didn´t do it
Girls:
And then they used it
Santana:
But if I´d done it,
Girls:
And they abused it
Santana:
How could you tell me that I was wrong?
Girls:
It was a murder but not a crime
Tina (Spoken):
I loved Mike Chang
More than I can possibly say.
He was a real amazing dancer...
Sensitive... an Asian.
But then I noticed he´d got more screen time.
Sure I got more lines
and felt appreciated
but he got parents, a storyline,
development and depth.
We know more about him than we do me.
The only way I could shine
Was if he were dead.
All:
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum
Quinn: Six
Mercedes: Squish
Brittany: Uh huh
Santana: Cicero
Tina: Lipschitz!
(x6)
Artie (Spoken):
And now the six merry murderesses of the McKinley High Jail in their rendition of "The Cell Block Tango"
All:
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you´d have been there
If you´d have seen it
Santana:
I bet that you would have done the same!
Sugar: Pop
Quinn: Six
Mercedes: Squish
Brittany: Uh uh
Santana: Cicero
Tina: Lipschitz!
(x2)
Sugar (Spoken):
You know I´m kind of a celebrity known for my voice.
I´m like, amazing. They call me the Queen of songs.
No, not songs. POP. So, I tried out for the New Directions,
And I am super confident, and I know I´m gonna nail the audition.
And there´s Mr. Schue, wearin´ a vest, tearin´ me down
And grinning´. No, not grinnin´.Laughin´! So, I said to him,
I said, "You better let me in to this glee club..."
And he didn´t.So I did what I always do best,
And I simply let loose some of my... self diagnosed Asperger´s.
All:
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you´d have been there
If you´d have heard it
I betcha you would
Have done the same!
Quinn (Spoken):
I met Noah Puckerman at McKinley High about two years ago,
and he told me he was a nice guy.He gave me many wine coolers.
Next I know I´m pregnant. He´d be with me, I´d lie to Finn,
it was all a part of, my amazing scheme.And then I found out,
"Sexting" he told me? Sexting, my ass. Not only was he with me
... oh, no, he had six girls. Never trust a boy with a Mohawk.
So two years later, after our trip to New York,
I looked him straight in the eyes, with hate.
Found out he couldn´t handle big plans.
All:
He had it coming
He had it coming
He took a flower
In its prime
And then he used it
And he abused it
It was a murder
But not a crime!
Mercedes (Spoken):
Now, I´m standing in the kitchen,
Cookin´ up some tots for dinner,
Minding my own business,
In storms my boyfriend Shane,
In a jealous rage.
"You love those tots more,"
He says. He was crazy
And he kept on screamin´,
"those things don´t even taste good!"
My last words to him.
No one messes with my tater tots.
All:
If you´d have been there
If you´d have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!
Brittany:
Unicorn x a lot
Rachel (Spoken):
Brittany, that´s not the word you´re supposed to sa--
Brittany:
UH UH, uni-corn!
Santana (Spoken):
There´s a place I go called Breadsticks.
A new waiter, Charlie, started working there.
Now, for the last couple of years, I´d order 20 buckets of stix in a row
One, two, three, four, five... it´s on the menu, Lopez special.
Salt ´t then eat ´em, one right after the other.
So this one night as I walked past Breadsticks on the street called Cicero,
I was textin´, pushin´ around a few nerds, a typical night then I became hungry.
I made a turn, open the door, and there´s the new waiter Charlie
giving some random customer the Lopez Special.See, that special´s only for me,
Everyone knows this. I´ve told him several times. So I lost it,
I went Lima Heights Adjacent on the entire Breadsticks staff.
Santana:
They had it coming
Girls:
They had it coming
Santana:
They had it coming
Girls:
They had it coming
Santana:
They had it coming all along
Girls:
They had it coming all along
Santana:
I didn´t do it
Girls:
She didn´t do it
Santana:
But if I done it
Girls:
But if she´d done it
Santana:
How could you tell me that I was wrong?
Santana:
They had it coming
Girls:
They had it coming
Santana:
They had it coming
Girls:
They had it coming
Santana:
They had it coming all along
Girls:
They took a flower in its prime
Santana:
I didn´t do it
Girls:
And then they used it
Santana:
But if I´d done it,
Girls:
And they abused it
Santana:
How could you tell me that I was wrong?
Girls:
It was a murder but not a crime
Tina (Spoken):
I loved Mike Chang
More than I can possibly say.
He was a real amazing dancer...
Sensitive... an Asian.
But then I noticed he´d got more screen time.
Sure I got more lines
and felt appreciated
but he got parents, a storyline,
development and depth.
We know more about him than we do me.
The only way I could shine
Was if he were dead.
All:
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum
