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Table for one

by Liz Phair

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I´m walking down in the basement
I´m leaning on the washing machine
I´m reaching back through a hole in the wall´s insulation
I´m pulling out a bottle of vodka
Replacing that with a pint of Jim Beam
I´m lying down on the floor until I feel better

It´s morning and I pour myself coffee
I drink it til the kitchen stops shaking
I´m backing out of the driveway
And into creation

And the loving spirit that follows me
Watching helplessly, will always forgive me

Oh, I want to die alone
With my sympathy beside me
I want to bring down all those demons who drank with me
feasting gleefully
On my desperation

I hide all the bottles in places
They find and confront me with pain in their eyes
And I promise that I´ll make some changes

But reaching back it occurs to me
There will always be some kind of crisis for me

Oh, I want to die alone
With my sympathy beside me
I want to bring back all those moments they stole from me
In my reverie
Darkening days end

Oh, I want to die alone
With my memories inside me
I want to live that life
When I could say people had faith in me
I still see that guy in my memory

Oh, I want to die alone
With my sympathy beside me
I want to bring down all those people who drank with me
Watching happily
My humiliation
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