Don´t wanna be a Canadian idiot!
Don´t wanna be some beer swilin´ hockey nut.
And do I look some frostbitten hose-head?
I never learned my alphabet from A to Zed.

They all live on donuts and moose meat,
And they leave the house without packin´ heat,
Never even bring their guns to the mall.
And you know what else is too funny?
Their stupid Monopoly money!
Can´t take ´em seriously at all!

Well maple syrup and snow´s what they export.
They treat curling just like it´s a real sport.
They think their accent is so cute,
Can´t understand a thing they´re talkin´ aboot.

Sure they got their national health care,
Cheaper meds, low crime rates and clean air.
Then again well they ot Celine Dion.
Eat their weight in Kraft macaroni,
And dream of drivin´ a Zamboni.
All over Sashcashewwon?

Don´t wanna be a Canadian idiot!
Won´t figure out their temperature´re in Celsius.
See the map, they hoverin´ right over us,
Tell you the truth, it makes me kinda nervous.

Always hear the same kind of story
Break their nose and they´ll just say "sorry".
Tell me what kind of freaks are that polite?
It´s gotta mean they´re all up to somethin´
So quick, before they see it comin´
Time to a pre-emptive strike!