I want men that I can squeeze, that I can please, that I can tease
Two or three or four or more!
What are those fools waiting for?
I want love and I want kissing I want more of what I´m missing

Nobody comes knocking at my front door
What do they think my knocker´s for?
If they don´t come soon there won´t be any more!
What can the matter be?

I wash my clothes with Lux, my etiquette´s the best,
I spend my hard-earned bucks on just what the ads suggest
Oh Dear what can the matter be
Nobody makes a pass at me!

I´m full of Kellogg´s bran, eat grapenuts on the sly,
A date is on the can of coffee that I buy
Oh dear, what can the matter be?
Nobody makes a pass at me!

Oh Beatrice Fair-fax, give me the bare facts,
How do you make them fall?
If you don´t save me, the things the Lord gave me
never will be any use to me at all.

I sprinkle on a dash of "Fragrance de Amour,"
The ads say "Makes Men Rash" but I guess their smell is pour
Oh dear what can the matter be
Nobody makes a pass at me.

I use Ovaltine and Listerine, Barbasol and Musterole
Life Buoy soap and Flit, So why ain´t I got it?

I use Coca Cola and Marmola, Crisco, Lesco and Mazola,
Ex-lax and Vapex, So why ain´t I got sex?

I use Albolene and Maybellene, Alka Seltzer, Bromo Seltzer,
Odorono and Sensation
So why ain´t I got fascination?

My Girdles come from the Best, Times ads say they´re chick
And up above I´m dressed in the brassier of the week
Oh dear, what can the matter be?
Nobody makes a pass at me!

I use Pond´s on my skin, with rye-crisp I have thinned
I get my culture in I began "Gone with The Wind"
Oh dear, what can the matter be?
Nobody makes a pass at me!

Oh Dor´thy Dix, please, show me some tricks,
please, I want some men to hold
I want attention and things I can´t mention
and I want them all before I get too old

I use Mum ev´ry day and Angelus Liplure,
But still men stay away just like Iv´ry soap I´m pure
Just like I result of 99 and 44
One hundred percent P.O.
Oh dear what can the matter be?
Nobody makes a pass at me