I said a bad word when I was a kid.
Mamma said that I´d be sorry for the sin that I did.
My daddy whooped me and the
preacher said shame.
And I tried like hell to change.

But I cuss,
And I smoke,
I laugh at dirty jokes.
The minor vices, man I know ´em well.
I´ve closed down bars.
I´ve lusted in my heart.
My exes think I oughta burn in hell.
But the devil, he won´t notice when I die.
Yeah, don´t you figure he´s got bigger fish to fry?

Politicians taking pork barrel bribes.
Crooked CEOs are getting off with no time.
Christmas Eve burglars stealing good children´s toys.
(Can´t say Christmas).
Holiday burglars stealing good children´s toys.

I cuss,
I smoke,
I laugh at dirty jokes.
The minor vices, man I know ´em well.
I´ve closed down bars (yeah, many a one).
I´ve lusted in my heart.
My ex thinks that I oughta burn in hell.
But the devil, won´t even notice when I die. (bet he does)
Yeah, don´t you figure he´s got bigger fish to fry?

Serve em up!

(instrumental)

Yeah there´s gonna be bonfire burning
An everlasting barbecue
But with all the bad stuff going on,
There ain´t gonna be room for me and you.

(Chorus 2)
´Cause we cuss,
We smoke.
We laugh at Tater´s jokes. (spoken)-> Tell one Jim.
"You know you´re old when your wife says ´honey let´s run upstairs and make love´ and your answer is ´I cannot do both.´"
The minor vices, man we know em well.
We´ve closed down bars.
We´ve lusted in our hearts.
Our exes think we ougta burn in hell. (you got it wrong, it´s the other way round)
But the devil, he won´t notice when we die.
Hey, don´t you figure he´s got bigger fish to fry?
Yeah don´t you figure he´s got bigger fish to fry?

Pass the tartar sauce

When we all get to heaven what a day of rejoicing it will be.