Anya:
This is the man that I intend to entangle
Isn´t he fine?
My claim to fame was to maim and to mangle
Vengeance was mine!

But I´m out of the biz
The name I made, I´ll trade for his
The only trouble is - -
I´ll never tell.

Xander:
She is the one
She´s such wonderful fun
Such passion and grace
Warm in the night when I´m right in her tight - -
Embrace! Tight embrace!

I´ll never let her go
The love we´ve known can only grow
There´s just one thing that - -
No. I´ll never tell.

Anya and Xander:
Cause there´s nothing to tell.

Anya:
He snores

Xander:
She wheezes

Anya:
Say "housework" and he freezes

Xander:
She eats these skeezy cheeses that I can´t describe

Anya:
I talk; he breezes

Xander:
She doesn´t know what "please" is

Anya:
His penis got diseases from a Chumash tribe!

Anya and Xander:
The vibe gets kind of scary

Xander:
Like, she thinks I´m ordinary

Anya:
Like, it´s all just temporary

Xander:
Like, her toes are kind of hairy

Anya and Xander:
But it´s all very well
Cause, God knows, I´ll never tell!

Anya:
When things get rough, he
Just hides behind his Buffy!
Now look, he´s getting huffy
Cause he knows that I know.

Xander:
She clings
She´s needy
She´s also really greedy
She nev - -

Anya:
His eyes are beady!

Xander:
This is my verse, hello?
She - -

Anya: (Spoken)
Hey, look at me! I´m dancing crazy!

Anya and Xander:
You know

Xander:
You´re quite the charmer

Anya:
My knight in armor

Xander:
You´re the cutest of the Scoobies
With your lips as red as rubies
And your firm, yet supple - -
Tight embrace!

Anya:
He´s swell

Xander:
She´s sweller

Anya:
He´ll always be my feller

Xander:
That´s why I´ll never tell her that I´m petrified

Anya:
I´ve read this tale
There´s wedding, then betrayal
And I know there´ll come the day I´ll want to run and hide

Anya and Xander:
I´ve lied
I´ve said it´s easy
I´ve tried
But there´s these fears I´ve can´t quell

Xander:
Is she looking for a pot of gold

Anya:
Will I look good when I´ve gotten old?

Xander:
Will our lives become too stressful if I´m never that successful?

Anya:
Will I get so worn and wrinkly that I look like David Brinkley?

Xander:
Am I crazy?

Anya:
Am I dreamin´?

Xander:
Am I marrying a demon?

Anya and Xander:
We can really raise the beam in making marriage a hell!

So, thank God, I´ll never tell!
I swear, that I´ll never tell

Xander:
My lips are sealed

Anya:
I take the Fifth

Xander:
Nothing to see
Move it along

Anya and Xander:
I´ll never
Tell!