J.D.: Hey, Ms. Miller, we just need a stool sample
Ms Miller : Why do you need a stool sample if you think I´m just a nut?
Turk & JD: ´Cause the answer´s not in your head, my dear, it´s in your butt!

J.D.: You see....
Everything comes down to poo!
From the top of your head, to the sole of your shoe
We can figure out what´s wrong with you by looking at your poo!
Turk?

Turk: Do you have a hemorrhoid or is it rectal cancer?
When you flush your dookie down, you flush away the answer!

J.D.: It doesn´t really matter if it´s hard or if it´s loose
We´ll figure out what´s ailing you, as long as it´s a deuce!
Yes!
Everything comes down to poo!

Nurses: Everything comes down to poo!

J.D.: Cardiovascular and lymphatic, yes, the nervous system, too!
All across the nation, we trust in defecation!
Everything comes down to poo!

Turk: If you want to know what´s wrong, don´t sit and act so cool
Just be a man and eat some bread, and drop the kids off at the pool!

Robed Woman: My stomach hurts
J.D: Check the poo

Limping Woman: I sprained my ankle
Turk: Check the poo!

Bloody Shoulder Guy: I was shot!
J.D: Check the poo!

Delivery Guy: A homeless guy threw poo in my eye!
Turk: Check the poo!
Delivery Guy: Mine or his?
J.D: First him, then you!
It may sound gross, you may say "shush!"

J.D. & Turk: But we need to see what comes out of your tush!
Because...

All: Everything comes down to poo!
Whether it´s a tumor or a touch of the flu!

J.D. & Turk: Please, won´t you pinch us off a big, fat clue!

Turk: Our number one test is your Number Two!

All: If there´s no breeze, light a match please!
Everything comes down to...
J.D.: Doo-doo!
Turk: Doo-doo!
J.D.: Doo-doo!
Turk: Doo-doo!

All: Everything comes down to... poo!