Dr. Kelso :
Hello, I´m Dr. Kelso, I´m delighted that you came
So the doctors say you fainted, and you don´t know what´s to blame
Well, put your mind at ease, there´s no ill we can´t outsmart
On behalf of all who work here...

All:
Welcome to Sacred Heart!

J.D :
Our facilities are excellent! You couldn´t ask for more
Janitor :
As long as you avoid the bathrooms on the second floor
Dr. Kelso :
This is Dr. Cox, I´ll be giving him your chart
Dr. Cox :
And that´s Dr. Kelso -- the kiss-ass of Sacred Heart!

Turk :
You say you burned your hand real bad -- we´ll fix you up with gauze
Elliot :
Perhaps you need your fat sucked out -- or want a smaller schnoz!
J.D :
Hey!

Dr. Kelso :
You caught an S.T.D. from some tasty little tart?
All :
We swear
We won´t judge you here at Sacred...
Here at Sacred...
Here at Sacred Heart!

...

Dr. Kelso :
One more thing that I should mention
If what I´ve heard is true
And everyone appears to be singing to you....

All :
Ahh, Ahhh! Ahh, Ahhh! Ahh, Ahhh! Ahh, Ahhh!

Dr. Kelso :
Your case is very serious! And we´d better start!

All:
´Cause if you think we´re singing, you belong at Sacred Heart!
Doctors! Nurses! Patients! Dead guys!
Welcome to Sacred Heart!