A customer!

Wait! What´s your rush? What´s your hurry?
You gave me such a -- Fright, I thought you was a ghost!
Half a minute, can´tcher sit! Sit you down, sit!
All I meant is that I haven´t seen a customer for weeks!

Did you come here for a pie, sir?
Do forgive me if me head´s a little vague--
(Ugh! What is that?) But you think we had the plague! From the way that people, keep avoiding--
(No you don´t!) Heaven knows I try, sir! But there´s no one comes in even to inhale!
Right you are, sir, would you like a drop of ale?

Mind you, I can´t hardly blame them
These are probably the worst pies in London!
I know why nobody cares to take them,
I should know, I make them,
But good? No!
The worst pies in London,
Even that´s polite!
The worst pies in London,
If you doubt it, take a bite!

Is that just disgusting?
You have to concede it!
It´s nothing but crusting!
Here, drink this, you´ll need it!
The worst pies in London...

And no wonder with the price of meat
What it is -- when you get it
Never -- Thought I´d live to see the day
Men´d think it was a treat
Findin´ poor -- animals
Wot are dyin´ in the street!

Mrs. Mooney has a pie shop!
Does her business but I notice something weird.
Lately all her neighbors´ cats have disappeared!
Have to hand it to her --
Wot I calls, "enterprise"!
Poppin´ pussies into pies!
Wouldn´t do in my shop!
Just the thought of it´s enough to make you sick!
And I´m tellin´ you, them pussycats is quick...!

No denying times is hard, sir
Even harder than the worst pies in London!
Only lard and nothing more --
Is that just revolting,
All greasy and gritty?
It looks like it´s molting,
And tastes like...
Well, pity

A woman alone,
With limited wind,
And the worst pies in London!

Ah, sir, times is hard,
Times is hard...!