Well, I used to drive a cab,
you know
I heard a siren scream
Pulled over to the corner
And I fell into a dream
There were
two men eating pennies
And three young girls who cried
The West coast is falling,
I see rocks in the sky.
The preacher took his bible
And laid it on the stool.
He said: with
the congregation running,
Why should I play the fool?

Well, I used to be a woman,
you know
I took you for a ride,
I let you fly my airplane
It looked good for your pride.
´Cause you´re
the kind of man you know
Who likes what he says.
I wonder what´s it´s like
To be so far over my head.
Well, the lady made the wedding
And she brought along the ring.
She got down on her knees
And said: Let´s
get on with this thing.

Well, I used to be a folk singer
Keeping managers alive,
When you saw me on a corner
And told me I was jive.
So I unlocked your mind, you know
To see what I could see.
If you guarantee the postage,
I´ll mail you back the key.
Well I woke up in the morning
With an arrow through my nose
There was an Indian in the corner
Tryin´ on my clothes.

Well, I used to be asleep
you know
With blankets on my bed.
I stayed there for a while
´Til they discovered I was dead.
The coroner was friendly
And I liked him quite a lot.
If I hadn´t ´ve been a woman
I guess I´d never have been caught.
They gave me back my house and car
And nothing more was said.

Well, I was driving
down the freeway
When my car ran out of gas.
Pulled over to the station
But I was afraid to ask.
The servicemen were yellow
And the gasoline was green.
Although I knew I couldn´t
I thought that I was gonna scream.
That was on my last trip to Tulsa
Just before the snow.
If you ever need a ride there,
Be sure to let me know.

I was chopping down a palm tree
When a friend dropped by to ask
If I would feel less lonely
If he helped me swing the axe.
I said: No, it´s
not a case of being lonely
We have here,
I´ve been working on this palm tree
For eighty seven years
I said: No, it´s
not a case of being lonely
We have here,
I´ve been working on this palm tree
For eighty seven years
He said: Go get lost!
And walked towards his Cadillac.
I chopped down the palm tree
And it landed on his back.